it’s been a long night. a wonderfully, inspiring night, but long, too. and i don’t wanna wait ‘til tomorrow to try to sum up what i feel. i’m afraid to fall asleep without, first, putting it into some kind of words...

i’ve been a little down as of late. sad. and searching for my place in an ever-changing world. it’s not just music, i think. we’re all kind of walking around with our arms outstretched, in the dark, trying to find that thing that we can hold on to, to make sense of what. we’re. doing. 

several things have set the wheels in motion. you wanna point your finger at one moment and say, “there! see it? that’s when it all changed!” but...as it goes, more times than not, whatever “it” is, has been coming for a while, and you just don’t want to let in the reality that the writing’s been on the wall for a while now.  

and that’s where i’ve been for the last month or so....

I had a show tonight. at the Pioneer Place on 5th, in St Cloud, MN. as i drove the hour and change to get there, i felt like, “what am i gonna do for 90 minutes?”. the beauty of playing for a “home” crowd is that you are pretty sure they’ll show up. the challenge is that you want to make sure you make it worth their while, so they keep coming back for more. and i felt un-inspired, un-funny, ... basically everything “un”. 

2 45-minute sets. that’s what i was obligated to play. 

but i’m not the kind of person who wants to give you what you paid for. i’m the kind of person who wants to make you “like” me. wants to make you want more next time. wants you to leave happy and also looking forward to the next time.

“what if i don’t have anything to give?” i think about that sometimes. an artist is only as good as they are feeling that night. and every night counts, as far as i’m concerned. 

i started. i couldn’t tell the usual stories. this is a home crowd. they’ve heard it all already. well, i’ll just shoot from the hip and see what happens.

over 2 hours later, we’d laughed, we’d cried (literally), someone brought me wine in their glass...right on stage...i serenaded and was serenaded by the audience, and got so filled up by the wonderfully simple interaction of an audience that was there to have fun and drink, but also listen and laugh and experience...everything.

it was unexpected.

i came in hoping i could “entertain” them. 

and i left feeling taken in and loved and nourished.

and, as dramatic as that might sound, that is, in fact, exactly how i felt. 

sometimes it happens like that.

not often, but...sometimes.

and when it does, you sit up and take note, and count the blessings you were given because these are the moments that put the muscles back in your legs and help you stand tall again.

to those of you who were there tonight...i hope you got a sliver of what i got from you.

thank you. sincerely.